Alter. You are not a victim of your situation. You always have the option of taking a deliberate and well-thought-out response to an anger-provoking situation. Your options typically fall into three categories: alter, avoid, or accept. Alter means that you initiate change. You can change things in your environment that are within your control. You can also initiate changes within yourself. The following are ways that you can change to deal with anger more effectively. Number one: change non-productive habits. If you know that you have a particular way of doing things that often results into an anger situation, perhaps it’s time to break the pattern. For example, if you know that mediating a family quarrel while your mind is tired from work often leads to blowups, then reschedule family meetings to times when you’re more relaxed. Number two: respectfully ask others to change their behavior and be willing to do the same. You can’t control other people’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior. You can, however, let them know that you’d appreciate a change. Waiting for lightning to strike people with habits that irritate you will never get you anywhere. Perhaps proactive communication can. Number three: change the way you view a situation. Sometimes it’s our interpretation of a situation that makes us angry rather than the situation itself. What you can do is change your way of thinking. For example, irrational thoughts like, “I have to be perfect at all times,” usually result in anger directed at one’s self when failures happen. Maybe if you start thinking, “It’s all right to fail now and then,” things would get easier. Number four: change the way you react to a situation. You can also deliberately change the way you respond. Anger usually begets anger. We raise our voice when someone raises their voice to us. But if you take a moment and find other ways to respond, then maybe you can manage your anger better.
