Using “I” Messages. An “I” message is a message that is focused on the speaker. When you use “I” messages, you take responsibility for your own feelings instead of accusing the other person of making you feel a certain way. The opposite of an “I” message is a “you” message. An “I” message is composed of the following: number one, a description of the problem or issue. Describe the person’s behavior you are reacting to in an objective, non-blameful, and non-judgmental manner. When. Number two, its effect on you or the organization. Describe the concrete or tangible effects of that behavior. The effects are … Number three, a suggestion for alternative behavior. I’d prefer … Here is an example of an “I” message. When I have to wait outside the office an extra hour because you didn’t inform me that you’d be late, problem issue, I become agitated, the effect. I prefer for you to send me a message if you will not be able to make it, alternative behavior. The most important feature of “I” messages is that they are neutral. There is no effort to threaten, argue or blame in these statements. You avoid making the other person defensive as the essence of an “I” message is, “I have a problem,” instead of, “You have a problem.” The speaker simply makes statements and takes full responsibility for his or her feelings.
